Sleepy in Seattle

Ugh. ABC’s The Bachelor. I have to admit… I’ve been drawn in. After weeks of resisting it, I’ve succumbed to one of the greatest traps a young professional will ever be faced with: the love of reality TV. Lock up your children, this isn’t going to be good for anyone.

Jake, Mr. Personality

I’ve started to assemble a small forum at my home on Monday evenings, made up of a mixture of women ranging from mild to wild on the cynicism scale. On one side, there’s Carrie – a girl who believes that love really can be found in 2 hours of commercially interrupted content once a week. Conversely, there’s Keira – who is muc

h more, shall we say, focused on reality. Keira spends most of the show laughing at the ridiculous things coming out of the contestant’s cast member’s mouths.

These “Ladies’ Nights” have proven effective in surfacing a major revelation. Jake… the bachelor himself, has no personality whatsoever. I’ll say it again.

Jake has no personality whatsoever.

And it comes down to him being so careful. He knows America is watching, and as such every word is scripted to the T. He makes sure to not tip his hand too much, but in the process never has an original thought. Let’s play a little game. Count how many times he uses adjectives in the place of nouns. It’s more than you can count, I assure you. This guy is living in a fantasy land – everything is amazing, and incredible, and amazing. He says “amazing” a lot. In fact, he says amazing almost as much as the contestants bachelorettes made corny aviation-related puns in the season premiere. And that’s a lot.

Ok, so yes, this is a bit of a rant – but with good reason. I’m calling on America to choose their next bachelor wisely. I want someone who is real, someone who all the guys can rally around because he actually both looks and acts like a dude. Here’s an example excerpt from the bachelor I’d like to see:

“I really liked Tenley, but she kept talking about her ex-husband. Like all the time. So then, I suddenly noticed that all the other girls are way hotter. Except Vienna of course, but the producers won’t let me get rid of her. And besides, I kind of like the trashy ones.”

Now that’s a bachelor I could get behind.

With it being Valentine’s Day and all, it only seemed fitting to post on a romantic topic. I want to caveat this entire post by saying that my Valentine’s Day consisted of eating my feelings at The Parlor with church friends. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m hardly Dr. Love.

That said, I have been making some observations lately about the way we interact as human beings. It’s incredibly interesting to watch the cycle of attraction, affection, and love. Couples (around here at least) move relatively quickly from attract to engage – most likely before that Manhattan wears off and the Seattle freeze sets in. People are on a hunt, it’s easy to see. Most recently, I’ve watched a close friend move incredibly fast in a relationship with her boyfriend. Just over Christmas she was debating what type of gift to get him – she wanted something that wouldn’t suggest too much. She netted out with cologne. Two months later, she’s engaged.

Now how do people move so quickly from attract to, in this case, engaged? Is there something in the water? Are these people simply type A folks who are goal oriented and see the relationship portion of their life no differently than a professional obstacle to overcome? Perhaps. But it sometimes drives them to extremes.

I’ve seen friends start to dabble in the online dating – eHarmony, Match.com, you name it. By and large, they’ve found these online tools to be eHarmful to their self-esteem. But they keep going back. Now what’s happening here? Is it just efficient dating? I must admit I was drawn to the idea of internet dating since its inception. It seems to me to just be the next frontier in which computing (and more specifically the internet) is simplifying life. Simply put, I’ve embraced technology everywhere else in my life, why not when it comes to finding a girlfriend?

But I think that might be the distinction – and maybe where people are tripping up. They don’t seem to be looking for girlfriends and boyfriends – they are looking for wives and husbands. This puts tremendous pressure on both parties, long before they’ve even met. And by the way, the first meeting is where all the magic happens. Not the first phone call, not the first text, and certainly not the first match notification through some bit of web 2.0 magic.

In the past couple weeks, I’ve watched as a friend has begun virtually courting someone through an online dating site. It’s efficient to the T – they schedule their phone calls, they have banter, and then they go on with their lives. There was chemistry, plain and simple chemistry. Or was there?

When it came time for them to meet in person (they are GU = geographically undesirable) – something different and totally unexpected happened. They began to withdraw. The would-be couple no longer found themselves volunteering conversation, the engagement slowed to near non-existence. So what happened here? I’d suggest that online dating has reversed the pivotal order of things – that is attract and then engage. With the likes of eHarmony and Match.com, the engagement happens long before the attraction. Now granted, they may have exchanged photos but as we all know, we can be extremely discerning in what photos we share. Heck, creative camera angles even made Timothy Dalton look like a decent Bond with a full head of hair (and we all just know now that that wasn’t true).

Anyways, I might be rambling here, but I think there’s something to this. The online dating thing is efficient, yet – but I’d suggest it might be robbing us of the fundamental and core piece to any coupling… the chemistry that comes from an initial attraction. And besides, this is one area of my life where I’d take pride in being able to do it myself.

Feel free to challenge me here, curious what you think.

It was only a matter of time before I started using this blog as a forum by which to expose and exploit my inner nerd. So with profuse apologies and without further adieu, a few thoughts on Apple’s most recent unveiling – the iPad.

In short, I’m not sure I get it.

I was following a lot of the press coverage on the tech sites, and at one point I noticed that Steve put up the slide below.

According to Engadget (thanks for the image, guys), here was Steve’s talk track while showing this up on the screen: “If there’s gonna be a third category, it has to be better at these tasks — otherwise it has no reason for being.”

Basically Steve was pointing out that if you want to have a 3rd device in between the phone and the PC, it better do all of those things he listed there better than the other two. And therein lies the problem… I’m not sure it really does. Let’s take a few of them one by one.

Browsing. Well, I’ve found more and more that I’ve relegated to using my smartphone for casual internet browsing from the couch. The place where it falls short is not really the screen size so much as the lack of standards support. When I go to a page that needs flash or has to install a plug-in to be viewed, that’s when I go reaching for the laptop. But when I think about inserting the iPad into that scenario, I’m not really any better off. Sure it has about 3x the screen size and resolution, but it still doesn’t help me when I want to view that site that makes use of heavy flash, when I want to check out that band’s web site that has a built in player so that I can sample their songs – you get the idea.

Email. I have to admit, the email experience on the iPhone and iPod touch isn’t bad. But more often then not, email is just as much about authoring as it is reading. So when I think about inserting the iPad into my couch email reading, yet again it’s not really helping me beyond just showing me the mail on a much roomier screen. When it comes to pounding out some angry emails that I’ll regret in the morning, I’m still reaching for the laptop.

eBooks. Ok, they almost got me here. The eBook application on the iPad looks phenomenal – and as a Kindle owner I think they are really hitting on something that Amazon hasn’t delivered: the status involved with owning books.  It’s the visual way in which Apple shows your bookshelf – complete with book cover art that helps reduce heartburn for people that may be feeling squeamish about making the transition from analog to digital for their literature. But this all falls down when I think about the ways Amazon has helped re-create the book reading experience in a digital format but with an analog feel. For instance, Amazon’s e-ink display isn’t backlit and therefore is much easier on the eyes. The battery life lasts 3 weeks, and any book I download costs about $9.99 and I can get them anywhere without any additional service fees. Many a time have I downloaded an entire book on a recommendation from a flight attendant mere minutes before taking off. Contrast that with the iPad, which has a burn-your-retinas off LED display (not ideal for a long read), only 10 hours of battery, and books priced at $12.99 or $14.99 with the addition of monthly service fees (in case you want to download anywhere). Not exactly the best in class experience for books either.

So all that to say, I’m just trying to understand the play here. It feels a whole lot like an overgrown, expensive iPod that sort of does a bunch of things pretty well. But at the end of the day, I’m having trouble summizing what the one piece of unique value is that makes this a valuable product in real-life application.

I had coffee today with Eric Lin, and he suggests this is Apple’s setup toward the slow replacement of the MacBook. Over time he believes this could become the home PC. It’s an interesting thought, and if he’s right it makes sense for Apple to be somewhat shy on that point in the mean time. Steve Jobs is a savvy guy, so if he’s hedging his bet he’s certainly not talking about it.

It’s really interesting how time can make something that was really serious into something really funny. It was 2003 – my junior year of college. Starting a week before all the other students, the resident advisers (aka the cool kids, right?) would assemble on campus to participate in a number of training and bonding activities.

During the course of this week, we got to hear from our industrious residence life staff (mostly made up of grad students looking to get their tuition and board paid while going through school) on the importance of maintaining an image of leadership and responsibility at all times. I was among these people. I was one of the resident advisers of the freshmen dorm Nelligan Hall.

Nelligan was a fascinating place. It was the only residence hall that employed 2 resident advisers per floor (as opposed to the usual 1). These RAs were highly skilled in the necessary competencies: playing Halo, ordering pizza, and busting up parties. The busting up parties varied from RA to RA, but in general the system worked.

Think back to my earlier point about leadership and responsibility. As RAs, the higher ups expected us to set the example for others (read: don’t be drunk in public, morons).

Then came Matt. Matt was younger (I think a sophomore), and thus underage. He was co-RA of the 3rd floor with my former roommate (and co-RA from the previous year), Jordan Patch. Jordan would be best described as our campus’ Tony Soprano. You want to do anything, you better talk to the boss.

So back to Matt. Matt must have read the phrase “don’t ever change” in his yearbook one too many times, because when he got the job as RA – he didn’t. You see, Matt was a really thirsty guy. But the kind of beverage he drank always made him do really stupid things – and worse, in front of his residents. But not to worry, the system has steps and a recovery program for this kind of behavior (read: he was fired).

At any rate, here we are 7 years later and I genuinely do believe the statute of limitations on the Department of Residence Life being mad at him has passed. It’s college, and this is what college life is like. But that alone is not the punchline of this story.

Matt was let go about 6-7 weeks into the year, and the residents were still learning who we were. In the lobby of the dorm, you could find a “Meet Your RAs” board. It was a corkboard with photos of the RAs, taken in pairs. Natrually, the 3rd floor RAs photo showcased Jordan and Matt, standing outside our school’s pristine chapel.

And there was the problem. The seasons started changing, and we didn’t want to go out and shoot new photos. Besides, we were in shirts/ties which was an annual event for most of us. So I was tasked with “removing Matt from existence”. Yeah, you heard that right, just like Marty McFly’s family photograph at the end of Back to the Future.

What better time to learn Photoshop? And this is where the funny came in. Imagine Matt’s surprise (and others), when he tried to comprehend how all traces of his being on staff were carefully (and with swift precision) eliminated.

Within 24 hours of his termination, the new picture was up in the lobby. Like I said, something that was serious ultimately became funny. At least I think it is.

It’s Monday. And Mondays are usually an interuption to my regularly scheduled train of weekends. By Monday morning, enough time has passed that I can’t remember what items were still open from Friday (or lately, Saturday) – and I’ve found that I’m rapidly moving toward a 2 coffee minimum just to get in the door. So when the bright sunny light of a Monday morning comes at you, why not add some extra stimulation for your rods and cones? I do this by wearing the brightest shirts known to man. And if you could see me right now, I’d be putting air quotes around the word “man”.

I find there’s no better way to break the Monday morning ice, as it were, than to wear a shirt that leaves every co-worker wondering. Wondering if I’m playing for a new team. Wondering if I’ve accepted a new job at Express Men. Wondering if this is a new strategy to meet women (they love to share clothes).

The finance guys don’t get it, the engineers squak at it… but in the end, only the product planners get me.

Makes sense, these are very forward looking folks. And I knew I had found my people when I discovered Suzanne was wearing a scarf of the same shade. Here’s to the Orchid Twinsies, Suzanne!

In the wake of all of the despair in Haiti, I found out today about an initiative that could bring a lot of hope to an otherwise extradordinarily bleak situation.

At any given time, there’s a lot of adoptions pending between American families and adoption agencies in third world countries. Right now about 1000 kids in Haiti are in limbo as they were going down the long process of being adopted (takes 3+ years sometimes) but now all the paperwork and such is probably buried in the rubble of some demolished building.

So apparently, America has been known to inact something called Huminatarian Parole in situations like this, where basically US diplomats make the case to the government to have the soon-to-be adopted kids placed with their new families immediately, regardless of the adoption process status. While it doesn’t circumvent the adoption process, it instead allows it to continue while the kids are with their new families in the States (and thus out of danger).

That really struck me. Apparently people are becoming activists for this to happen (as it’s only happened twice before in Rwanda and Romania) by writing letters to officials, etc. I just sent mine in. Crazy that 1000 kids could be essentially rescued just by writing email and making phone calls.

My pastor’s brother’s family are personally affected by this, as they are currently going through the process of adopting a child from Haiti. In fact, his sister-in-law was on the ground visiting her (hopeful) soon-to-be son when the disaster struck.

If you want to read her story or send an email or make a phone call to help get this initiative in motion, definitely check out her blog post on the subject.

Last night I hosted my lifegroup Strings & Friends for some dinner. It was great seeing everyone, and it was our first time back together in the New Year. This lifegroup sesh came with Hybrid Synergy Drive, as we brought in some new friends to join. Here are some highlights in photos.

Carrie addresses Keira as “Girlie”

Andrew breaks out the closest thing to a combover without actually crossing the line

Anto asks guests a simple question, “If I were born Italian, do you think I’d be called Antonio, Tony, Tonio…?”

Wong attempts to run the table.

There’s a guy sitting 2 tables away from me at the coffee shop. He’s having a conversation with what seems like an interviewer. Guy A is talking loud enough that I know a couple things: a.) he’s a college senior about to graduate in the spring, b.) he considers himself a designer, but goes to a Christian college and apologizes for it and  c.) he wants this Guy B to give him a job.

Guy B is so not into it.

Awkward. Very awkward. I should tell Guy A to leave right now and enjoy what’s left of college before the real world comes.

Back in 2002, college was just getting rolling for me. At the beginning of that year, I was living it up in the second half of my freshmen year. My rooommate Josh was a one of the most interesting guys I had met at that time. He brought a lot of variety to our dorm room. His day consisted of 4 basic elements:

1. Class
2. Workout and protein shakes
3. Drinking your face off
4. Watching Fight Club

Every day. Rinse, wash, repeat. Occassionally a Taco Bell run would make it’s way between step 3 and 4, and you can guess who was Designated Derek. I actually was fine with it, though. Josh had a PS3 so by my count, our living arrangement was very synergistic- especially when Grand Theft Auto III came out that spring.

I don’t think we even played a single mission in the game, it’s just as much fun (arguably more) just running over women and children, chopping cars, and shooting rockets at helicopters.

Anyway, Josh was a fun guy – and rooming with him was a heck of a way to start peeling away my extreme type A behaviors. As I found out throughout the course of the year, maintaining one pile of clothes and conducting the “sniff test” can be just as efficient as using a closet or dresser.

Here’s a shot of us getting ready for one of our dances. Yeah, our college had dances… just like high school.

And for the record, I refuse to confirm or deny any rumors that suggest we had our tips frosted together.

This past week I was in Las Vegas for CES 2010. The interesting thing about Vegas is that you instantly feel dirty… literally.

After about 4 hours your eyes start to burn from the smoke and all the strange scents each hotel and/or casino tries pumping into their respective ozones. At the end of day 1 there is an actual layer of dirt stuck to you, and by the end of day 2 even the best shower (waterfall, double headed, what you have you) can’t get you clean.

The event itself had its usual charms -  mostly in the form of hoards of people crowded around the latest, thinnest, LED TVs. Meanwhile, booth babes try to smile at you, but take care to not put cracks in the primer layer of their shellacked high grade war paint. It’s a delight, truly.

That said, we had some productive meetings and it was good catching up with both old and new friends. The Herminator was in full swing at a fantastic party my friend Kristin hosted – complete with the look of desire as seen in pretty much any scene from Zoolander. I tried it myself in a shot with Kristin, to no avail.

It’s good to be back in Seattle. By my calculation I’ll be here for approximately 20 hours before shoving off once again. Getting 3-4 hours of sleep each night (at best) has taken its toll, so apologies to any incoherent babbling that may have made it into this post.

Goodnight, Seattle. Manhattan, stay classy and see you tomorrow.

Long before Flight of the Conchords were singing about it, six young men were bringing business time to the world. And by world, I mean the tri-county Central New York area.

In an effort to prove our existence with the ladies of Cicero-North Syracuse High School, six guys from the likes of the math league, glee club, and (d)orchestra joined forces to create an unstoppable musical force. That’s right people, 2001 marked the year of The Businessmen.

The best part of it all was that I had no business playing with these guys. As Kristen (Sciaruto) Embry would be quick to point out, I could barely use a sustain pedal. How was it that I found myself part of the group that would rise to the top of the local high school radio charts?

Simple. I had a performance spot at our high school’s Prevention Night, that’s code for ‘ambiguously themed talent show’.

I was going to form a band to perform a cover of the Tom Jones song, It’s Not Unusual. It was a brilliant plan, which worked basically like this:

1. Find trombone and trumpet player
2. Create band and play It’s Not Unusual at high school talent show
3. Take my pick of any girl in the school (like on The Bachelor)

Instead, my good friend at the time (and future lead singer) convinced me to do otherwise. He said that I should join their band and surrender my spot at the show. He would just hand me a guitar, saying all that mattered is that we would all be in a band together and that the “business would come”. Luckily I weaseled my way in as the piano player once their original member didn’t show up for a practice. Or at least that’s how I like to remember it.

It’s business time people, and my senior year of high school was never to be the same.