So I have this friend… she never pays for ANYTHING. Now you may be thinking a couple things after that statement. You may be wondering if she steals, or if she’s just so attractive the the weak-minded servicemen of the world rally around her every need without cause for financial retribution. It’s neither. She is unique in that she feels like she’s on a date at all times. It’s her belief that male chivalry and generosity holds no limits – and it includes any and all activity with one or more males present. So this means when she’s out to dinner with one or more male friends, she’s never making the reach for the purse when the check comes. And my goodness, we need to at least see the reach. Put some effort in, lady!

So back to my dream. I found myself in a coffee shop with this friend – and for some reason I felt compelled to make this the day when she would pay for herself. Now usually she’s an expert of the subtle maneuvers needed to ensure someone else will pick up the tab. If she’s in a coffee shop – she’ll order first and when the barista asks if there’s anything else – she’ll motion to me. That way, when I’m done ordering, the barista rings them up together and looks to me as the gentleman (and socially implied boyfriend?) to take care of it. Do this a thousand times later and you realize you could have gone for the upgraded sound system on your car after all, if it weren’t for all these extra drink orders.

This time I had a plan. I would use her indecision as a moment of opportunity to order first, and then quickly pay. I did, and then it was her turn. She stepped up, placed her order, and when the barista asked for the payment – she looked toward me. I lost it. I got up on a chair and started preaching to her about how us men only payconsistently for our girlfriends and love interests, and that we at least want to see the reach, and how she’s not the type of girl that gets everything paid for (like in that episode of Seinfeld) – I must have ranted for 5 minutes straight (which we know is about 10 seconds of real life, thanks Inception).

I woke up with a smile on my face. Tonight is definitely one of those nights where I’ll be hoping for a dream sequel.

That said, I have been making some observations lately about the way we interact as human beings. It’s incredibly interesting to watch the cycle of attraction, affection, and love. Couples (around here at least) move relatively quickly from attract to engage – most likely before that Manhattan wears off and the Seattle freeze sets in. People are on a hunt, it’s easy to see. Most recently, I’ve watched a close friend move incredibly fast in a relationship with her boyfriend. Just over Christmas she was debating what type of gift to get him – she wanted something that wouldn’t suggest too much. She netted out with cologne. Two months later, she’s engaged.

Now how do people move so quickly from attract to, in this case, engaged? Is there something in the water? Are these people simply type A folks who are goal oriented and see the relationship portion of their life no differently than a professional obstacle to overcome? Perhaps. But it sometimes drives them to extremes.

I’ve seen friends start to dabble in the online dating – eHarmony, Match.com, you name it. By and large, they’ve found these online tools to be eHarmful to their self-esteem. But they keep going back. Now what’s happening here? Is it just efficient dating? I must admit I was drawn to the idea of internet dating since its inception. It seems to me to just be the next frontier in which computing (and more specifically the internet) is simplifying life. Simply put, I’ve embraced technology everywhere else in my life, why not when it comes to finding a girlfriend?

But I think that might be the distinction – and maybe where people are tripping up. They don’t seem to be looking for girlfriends and boyfriends – they are looking for wives and husbands. This puts tremendous pressure on both parties, long before they’ve even met. And by the way, the first meeting is where all the magic happens. Not the first phone call, not the first text, and certainly not the first match notification through some bit of web 2.0 magic.

In the past couple weeks, I’ve watched as a friend has begun virtually courting someone through an online dating site. It’s efficient to the T – they schedule their phone calls, they have banter, and then they go on with their lives. There was chemistry, plain and simple chemistry. Or was there?

When it came time for them to meet in person (they are GU = geographically undesirable) – something different and totally unexpected happened. They began to withdraw. The would-be couple no longer found themselves volunteering conversation, the engagement slowed to near non-existence. So what happened here? I’d suggest that online dating has reversed the pivotal order of things – that is attract and then engage. With the likes of eHarmony and Match.com, the engagement happens long before the attraction. Now granted, they may have exchanged photos but as we all know, we can be extremely discerning in what photos we share. Heck, creative camera angles even made Timothy Dalton look like a decent Bond with a full head of hair (and we all just know now that that wasn’t true).

Anyways, I might be rambling here, but I think there’s something to this. The online dating thing is efficient, yet – but I’d suggest it might be robbing us of the fundamental and core piece to any coupling… the chemistry that comes from an initial attraction. And besides, this is one area of my life where I’d take pride in being able to do it myself.

Feel free to challenge me here, curious what you think.

It’s strange, but I see so many friends putting a disproportionate amount of stock into the first 24 hours of a new year, as if this crucial first day sets the entire standard by which the following 364 will be counted. They get into new workout routines, grind the gorging on fatty foods to a near halt, and line their Facebook status updates with optimistic sayings.

Perhaps this is just the pendulum swinging back extra hard – we start out each year with the best plan and intentions, and we gradually start missing the mark. And by the end of a year, it’s so clear that were not even close to where we want to be that now only drastic measures (read: a ‘fresh’ start) must be taken.

And we know it’s coming. Family members gorging on food at Thanksgiving and Christmas often remark that it will all change after the first of the year. If we were seriously committed to changing our lifestyle, why couldn’t we just make the change instantaneously?

Maybe it’s systemic of a bigger problem, perhaps we just don’t feel like we’re in control of our lives anymore. What we know we should do and what we desire to do never actually match up with the things that we do.

One thing is certain. I’m going to be wading through layers and layers of office-garbed resolutionists at the gym. I look forward till the third week of January when they’ll be back at home falling into their 2009 routine all over again. I’m sure Idol will be on by then, right?